Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine …~Marianne Williamson~
W e have all felt inadequate at one point, some more often than others. The level of inadequacy, is of course relative. Sometimes we shortchange ourselves by limiting ourselves to the mundane,and by hugging our comfort zones a little too tight.
I know for a fact that I second guess myself a lot, and someone once told me I suffer from ‘The Imposter Syndrome.’ When I looked it up, I was amazed at how true it was. Wikipedia opines it is “a concept describing individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud”
How do I relate? I keep thinking that maybe I am not good enough, maybe I am not the person they think I am..maybe..maybe… then I think to myself..”Get a grip woman!” 🙂 “Why should you be bothered?” A close friend -two-actually three (wow) told me that I undervalue myself and my skills too much. It stems from a place of insecurity, borne of half a lifetime of self esteem bashing- (story for another day)
So anyway, a little more research told me there are five sub types of this syndrome. Indulge me then, as we take a look at each. Maybe you also suffer from the same and y’all are there giving me the ‘side eye’ for suffering from some syndrome with a ridiculous name! 😀
You are that person who just has to have every little thing just right. You set very high standards for yourself and berate yourself when you don’t achieve them. You feel like oh,such a failure! Nothing you do is ever good enough, and no success is celebrated.You always feel like you could have done just a little bit better. You can easily turn into a control freak by always trying to micro-manage everything and everyone!You have major trust issues on matters delegation, always wanting to do everything yourself.
There are people who are naturally gifted. Everything comes easily. If you are this type of person, then you have never really struggled with anything.You were a straight A student. Always the sharp kid in class and probably in the family too. You feel deeply about things that you struggle with. There is a constant battle within yourself, convincing yourself that if a certain task is not easy to perform, then you must suck at everything else too. You feel like such a fraud and steer away from challenges in case you fail, and people discover you are a fake! Sound familiar?
3. Super Man/Woman
You are the type of person who already feels inadequate among your peers. You have this overwhelming need to prove something to yourself and everyone else. Yours truly is a workaholic, trying to hide your insecurities behind work or school. You keep to yourself a lot because you fear getting exposed for the ‘fraud’ you are, and constantly you constantly need to self validate by working harder and harder.. Your relationships suffer because you tend to subconsciously push people away so they don’t ‘expose’ you. I can see you squirming in your seat because YOU know it describes you to a T!
4.Expert? Me? Nooooo!!!
“Did I hear you say I am an expert?” You gasp inwardly when someone says you are good at something. If in employment, you tend to think you were hired by mistake and they will soon realise you are not what you are supposed to be.
You undervalue your knowledge and intelligence level. You greatly undervalue your worth. Do you feel like your life is a ticking time bomb, with only a matter of time before you are outed for being a liar and a fake? Is it hot in here, or it’s just me? Things are getting thick,huh? A little too close home?
5. The Lone Ranger
The Lone Ranger walks alone.You gun sling alone.You deal with the good,the bad and the ugly single handedly 😉 Do you feel like asking for help might somehow expose you for the phony you think you are? Everybody needs help at some point. If you feel that you have to do things on your own to prove a point,then you have deeper issues than you know. Being independent is good and all, but you need to let others help. No man is an island. Stop shooting for a minute, will ya?
Boy! Don’t we have issues? Of course some think these are first world problems,no? ‘Odiero‘ problems? 😀 Wrong! These are human problems. I am at number 4 and I am learning to accept and see my self worth. I am learning to take compliments graciously with a simple thank you.
A close friend, who shall not be named :),told me that I fear greatness. I fear the person I can be if I set my mind to it. So, my greatest fear is, indeed, that I am not inadequate, but that I am powerful beyond anything I can fathom. I fear the light I can emit, because it will chase away the darkness I have become so accustomed to.
I shall not play small. I am, and can be everything I inwardly doubt I can be. I shall not shrink so others can shine. I shall not have a defeatist mentality. I shall inch away from my comfort zone and leap into the unknown. I am meant to shine. And so I shall. What about you? Its never too late to shine. Live a little, I know I will! YOLO.
6 thoughts on “Imposters”
I don’t know where to place myself but I think I have a little bit of all. Nice read Carole. Kudos
Thank you Wanja.Most of us a little bit of both
I am all of these archetypes combined! A ball of nerves one moment and a geyser of enthusiasm the next moment….lol.
But this article reminds me of Bertrand Russel’s famous quote;
“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.”
Anyway, a nice read! I should reactivate my blog! OkBye
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Thank you!Hahaha, please revive the blog!
Me too! Except I’m not the superman type.
I actually recently thought exactly what you were told. That I fear greatness.
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