I can’t, for the life of me manage to find time to write these days.This particular post has been pending review for a while now, just like so many others that are half written,yet to be published.I envy those people who write on a daily basis,keep journals even.I used to keep journals once upon a time. I stumbled upon them the other day and I was surprised at the depth of my feelings at that point in time.I wrote so well,I was starting to wonder whether it was really me who made those entries!Of course some were in code and I could not remember what the codes meant. So the mystery of the codes remains unsolved, not that it matters. It mattered then, otherwise I wouldn’t have written it, but it passed and I forgot about it. It kinda gave me something to mull over.Life is a series of codes that we are constantly trying to decipher. In essence, just like my journal entry didn’t matter the other day, much of what we worry about today will not matter tomorrow.
Some time back, I had a falling out with someone.I thought at that time that I would never get over it. it hurt so much, felt like my heart was breaking into pieces..{I think this is the phrase that best describes that feeling of utter dejection, so you might see it a lot with me}.I digress 🙂 Anyway, I felt like I was falling apart. I didn’t understand why things had to be this way. I thought about it,cried over it, but I didn’t die. I realised that I was so busy hurting and trying to decipher a code that was not meant to be deciphered. The falling out had happened, hard as I tried, I would never understand why.It was what it was, and no matter how long or how hard I cried over it, it just wasn’t going to change anything.It kinda felt like I was crying over an algebra equation that could,and would not solve itself no matter the amount of tears I shed.
A week later, I started picking up the pieces of my wounded heart and pride. I patched them up best I knew how, dusted myself and moved on. Later on, I started joining the dots backwards and it wasn’t so bad after all. See, that is the nature of life. We look at life through the prism of extremes, mostly negatives- hurt, failure, pain…rarely do we look at things for what they are, learning curves. We refuse or can’t see the grey areas, just a lot of blacks and whites. We refuse to colour outside the box.We forget that yin can’t exist without yang, and vice versa.
So what am I really saying beyond the rambling? That it’s okay to hurt, it’s okay to try to decipher the codes, its only human.The only thing you need to know is that those codes should not stop you from living life. You only have one life to live and you certainly do not want to spend it in search of explanations on things that will not matter tomorrow, or in a few days. Ask yourself whether it will matter in the next one week, month, a year or even ten years. It is definitely easier said than done, but sometimes no matter how much it hurts and you are dying to understand the whys and wherefores, it is safer just to let things be. Sometimes what we think is sorrow, ends up not being what we expect,but a blessing in disguise.Our scars define us and give our souls character. My mantra is, and always will be, we are broken to be made whole.
“Your joy is your sorrow unmasked, and the same well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. How else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.” ~Khalil Gibran~
Carole's Musings... 