Disillusioned

“There is a sacredness in tears.They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” ~Washington Irving~

We all crave for love.It is only human.Thousands of songs have been written about love,many tears shed because of love, millions  of books written-poems, prose…What is romantic love- really? Shakespeare called it a smoke made with the fume of sighs, a choking gall and a preserving sweet.We all desire to be loved and for sweet nothings to be whispered in our ears…whether in sincerity or not.It’s just the way it is.We cannot change our  nature, but we can easily get disillusioned and become bitter.

I have had my heart broken in the past.It is the nature of love.You love, you lose..you cry over it and your heart feels like it could break into a thousand little pieces.The feeling that nothing is ever going to be right with the world takes over your mind.You think of nothing else..could I have done more?Could I have been a better person?Can I make amends?Was it my fault?You think and rethink.You wish you could turn back the hands of time, to a better time and place when you were happy, and in love.The unfortunate bit is that people change, feelings change.You cannot teach someone how to love you better,or make them love you more than they already do.When the time comes for them, or for you to move on, it is inevitable that hearts will be wounded and tears shed.The beauty of it all is that no matter how much it hurts, you shall eventually get over it.It may take some time,but time is the greatest balm for wounded hearts.With time you stop hurting and move on, and probably fall in love again.We are broken to be made whole.

I  have a soft spot for single parents because they seem to have a myriad of issues, and I write from a place of relation.Are single parents human?Do they crave for love? To find someone who loves them and their children?Of course they do!They kiss lots of frogs on the way, frogs who purport to be princes and princesses, but turn out to be just plain frogs.Some frogs do have the best of intentions-but we all know, good intentions never last…and one is left feeling cheated, wondering if it was your fault that he/she left.We cannot undo our children and we cannot wish them away.The question of:” you want me and don’t want my children?”is one that seems to pop up most.Is it so difficult to love another man’s  children or another woman’s children? It most definitely is.It is a conscious effort that you make when you meet a woman/man who already has children.

Ask yourself from the onset if you are willing to take on that responsibility.If you are not willing, don’t let the relationship blossom and then back track after a while when you realise that you are actually expected to take the children into consideration.This single parent has feelings too.What do you think it does to someone to say after a while, I am sorry..I just can’t deal with your children?Is it even fair?You do not fall in love, rather you grow in love.The more time you spend with someone, the more you grow on them, and it is certainly not fair to expect someone to just pack up their feelings and walk away cos you can’t deal with issues.Not fair even to children you had probably been introduced to and formed a bond.

Many have cried and have wished that things could be different, but it is what it is.It is not about you, rather, it is about the person walking away.I repeat,your kids can never be wished away.Some day, someone will come along who cares not whether you have kids or not, but will love you anyway.Maybe I am too much of a romantic airhead who needs to get her head up from the clouds and realise that love is not worth it,but it is who I am.I believe in love, even when everything and everyone  around me tells me otherwise.I do not want to be cynical and disillusioned.Desiderata asks of us,”…neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.” So cry if you must, but remember, those tears give you power to heal.Remember also,that the walls you build around yourself to keep out the sadness, also keep out happiness.As for me, I still keep believing that this love I so believe in should not hurt.Don’t be  disillusioned, and trust in a better tomorrow.Your tomorrow is definitely coming.

~Nothing is more sad than the death of an illusion~ Charles Swindoll